As couples increasingly choose to separate, or co-parent, we are likely to come across stepfamily and modern family situations, either in our clients’ or our own families. With a relational field that includes biological and non-biological relationships, parents, children, stepchildren, ex-partners, full and half siblings, these families are complicated and hard to navigate. When they work well, they can look like a tribe or network rather than nuclear, with children having a mix of adults, parents and others, caring for them. It takes time for this to develop.
The invisible field constellates around the natural connection between parents and their children. It is more than love, they are part of each other, with children being experienced by the parent as a vulnerable extension of themselves. In most cases, this remains the same when parents have separated. It is not the same for stepparents, and other adults who come into the family. They are less likely to stay connected with their stepchildren if the relationship with their parent ends. Step-parental love is more like that of a mentor, uncle or aunt. However, love takes time to develop and as familiarity grows the stepparent and stepchild compete with the same person for love, attention and time, as if they were brothers and sisters. Stepfamily couples often struggle with each other’s perspective, unable to hear each other, feeling protective of their children.
In this online workshop, I will raise awareness of the consequences of the different types of love in the stepfamily field and consider ways Gestalt therapists can make sense of the situation and support their clients. As part of this we will learn how to look illustrate stepfamilies, showing where lines of attachment, identity and loyalty run, based on the relationship between parents and their children, With presentation, exploratory exercises, discussion in small groups and the opportunity for to work with me on either their own, or a clients’ situation, we will explore and learn about what supports stepfamily members to ‘blend’ (if that is possible) or flow with the invisible, relational, stepfamily field.
