The journey of conscious ageing: Reflections and insights from a psychotherapist

by Martina Breen

Ireland, like many other developed countries, is experiencing an ageing population, with people living longer than ever before. The Central Statistics Office (CSO) figures predict that those aged 65 years and over will increase significantly: from 629,800 in 2016 to almost 1.6 million by 2051(CSO, 2017). This evolving ageing population presents new challenges and opportunities for us as a nation. The Irish Government’s Positive Ageing Strategy has the following as its vision:

Ireland will be a society for all ages that celebrates and prepares properly for individual and population ageing. It will enable and support all ages and older people to enjoy physical and mental health and wellbeing to their full potential. It will promote and respect older people’s engagement in economic, social, cultural, community and family life and foster better solidarity between generations. It will be a society in which the equality, independence, participation, care, self-fulfilment and dignity of older people are pursued at all times.

(Department of Health, 2013)

The Irish initiatives, such as Healthy Ireland and Age Friendly Ireland, emphasise preventive health measures, social participation, and well-being. These approaches to healthy ageing align with the wisdom shared in books like Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom (2017) and Age-ing to Sage-ing by Reb Zalman (Schachter-Shalomi & Miller, 2014). These approaches recognise the importance of creating age-friendly environments, which resonate with the profound lessons imparted by Morrie Schwartz in Tuesdays with Morrie. and the value of inner growth, personal transformation, and a sense of community in the ageing process, depicted in the book Age-ing to Sage-ing.

Age-ing to Sage-ing encourages us to engage ourselves in the second half of life to become a “wise elder” by means of practice and opening ourselves to our “inner life” in a way that we probably were not able to do earlier in life. Reb Zalman poses the question of why should we live beyond the time of begetting and raising our children? He goes on to state: “If we do live longer, then nature must have a task. There must be a purpose. The purpose is to hothouse consciousness, generation by generation; so that the older generation can transmit something to the younger.” (Schachter-Shalomi & Miller, 2014, Chapter 1). Rather than allowing yourself to just grow old – you can make a decision to enter a new life stage and consciously age. So, whilst ageing is a natural process that involves physical changes and a gradual decline in physical abilities, Sage-ing, on the other hand, is an intentional approach to ageing that involves actively seeking out opportunities for growth and transformation in the second half of life. It’s about getting older with intentionality, resilience, and grace. It involves not only addressing the physical and mental aspects of ageing, but also the spiritual aspects such as finding meaning and purpose in the lives we have lived, as well as exploring and visioning the time we have left. Through this work, we learn what it is to redefine what it means to be an elder in today’s world. Rather than viewing ageing as a period of decline and loss, it is time to look at our process of ageing as a time of growth, wisdom, and personal transformation.

For the past number of years, I have been actively engaged in the work of conscious ageing and have been using some of the great resources to support individuals and professionals in this work. Sage- ing International (https://www.sage-ing.org), a non-profit organisation, which has taken Schachter- Shalomi’s work and offers training and resources, internationally to support individuals navigate the ageing process with greater ease and grace. This is done in a simple format through ‘Wisdom Circles’ and they offer Certified Sage-ing Leadership Training, CSL. One of Sage-ing International’s wisdom quotes is: “The first half of life is constructing personality; The Second half of life is deconstructing the personality!”

Sine qua non of Sage-ing (Adapted from Age-ing to Sage-ing)

• To have a willingness to deal with life completion and to face the denial of ageing.
• To come to terms with your mortality.
• To acquire the skills for working on the inside by practising journal writing, meditation, imaginal exercises
• To pay attention to your body, feelings, mind and spirit
• To give a real hearing to the inner voices, allowing all the minorities within you to have a voice.
• To begin to do life repair:
• In health;
• In practical matters with wills and testaments;
• In relationships and between generations;
• By reaching into the past and offering release and healing;
• Through forgiveness work with release from vindictiveness;
• By finding the pearls in the anxious memories.
• To do the philosophical homework by raising questions about the purpose and meaning of your life.
• To serve as an elder to others: as a guide, mentor and agent of healing and reconciliation on behalf of the planet, the nation and the family by being a wisdom keeper.
• To prepare for a serene death.

To become an adult, we need to let go of being an adolescent. To become an elder, we need to have completed our adulting. Elderhood is a new phase of life, given to us by the grace of longevity. There is a newfound freedom in embracing our age and ageing consciously. By modelling conscious ageing and embodying its principles in our own lives we can inspire our clients to do the same and create a more compassionate and fulfilling world for ourselves and others.

Ron Pevny (2014), author of Conscious Living, Conscious Ageing: Embrace and Savour your Next Chapter, offers a guidebook for those who are interested in exploring the ageing process with awareness, curiosity, and purpose. A previous Vision Quest Leader, he writes extensively around the personal and spiritual growth that occurs as we age. This growth is not necessarily a given; it requires a deliberate effort to engage with our own ageing process and to cultivate qualities like self-awareness, resilience, and wisdom.

According to Pevny, conscious eldering involves several key practices. One is self-reflection, which involves taking time to reflect on our life experiences, our values, and our goals for the future. Another is community-building, which involves connecting with others who share our interests and values, and who can support us on our journey of conscious ageing. A third practice is service, which involves using our skills and experience to make a positive impact in our communities and the world at large. The book advocates that through engageing with our own ageing process consciously and intentionally we can create a meaningful and rewarding next chapter of our lives.

Suffice to say that most of us are aware that ageing can come with emotional challenges such as grief, anxiety, or depression, along with significant life transitions such as retirement, changes in health, loss of sense of meaning and purpose in life, or loss of loved ones. Not all people ageing suffer with these, but many do. Psychotherapy can play a crucial role in supporting individuals to consciously age in a challenging world by supporting individuals navigate these transitions, process associated emotions, and develop coping strategies to adapt effectively.

But it is also true that, as therapists, we also need to become wise elders in this challenging world if we are to support our peers! We need to cultivate the very qualities and skills in our own lives that are essential for effective psychotherapy. These skills include the ability to hold space for our own pain and suffering, have healthy coping skills, and strategies for maintaining well-being, to have a sense of self- compassion, empathy, perspective-taking, and the ability to make wise decisions and to understand the interconnectedness of these domains that promotes overall well-being and conscious ageing. We may consider that we already possess all of these qualities with our professional qualification, but are we practicing these qualities with ourselves as we age?

The cultural narrative often focuses on youth, and the value of experience and wisdom is overlooked and many older adults have negative beliefs about ageing, such as feeling that they are less valued or less capable as they get older. However, the elders are the ones who have lived through the ups and downs of life, accumulated a wealth of knowledge, and gained invaluable insights that can guide society through these challenging times. They possess a level of wisdom that can only be acquired through years of life experience, and it is this wisdom that is needed in the lives of our young people today.

The need for wise elderhood in our current world of crisis cannot be overstated. The elders of any community possess a unique set of skills, knowledge, and wisdom that can guide us towards a better future. It is time for us to acknowledge, not only, the value of the elders, but to endeavour to become one ourselves. As psychotherapists, it is important that we become conscious elders ourselves in order to better support conscious ageing in our clients. As psychotherapists, we are in a unique position to model conscious ageing for our clients. By embodying the principles of conscious ageing in our own lives, we can inspire our clients to do the same. We can continue to grow and develop, not just as professionals, but as ageing human beings in a world where ageing and elderhood as a stage of life, are often ignored and under-appreciated. In modern society the value of elders has been diminished, and their voices silenced. It is time for us to acknowledge the value of the elders. Only then will we value ourselves as elders and truly harness the power of wisdom to create a more just, equitable, and sustainable world for all.

Martina Breen M.A. is a Gestalt Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Spiritual Director and a Certified Sage-ing Leader (CSL) She works as an Integrative Health Specialist with VHI, along with a private practice and facilitating programmes on conscious living, ageing and dying. She is co-facilitating a retreat on conscious eldering with Ron Pevny in Kilteggan, Wicklow in September this year. She can be contacted at martinasbreen@gmail.com

References

Albom, M. (2017). Tuesdays with Morrie. Sphere.

Central Statistics Office(2017). Populationandlabourforceprojections 2107-2051. CSO. https://www.cso.ie/en/releasesandpublications/ep/p-plfp/populationandlabourforceprojections2017-2051/populationprojectionsresults/

Cohen, G. (2005). The mature mind: The positive power of the ageing brain. Basic Books.

Department of Health. (2013). The national positive ageing strategy. Department of Health https:// www.gov.ie/en/publication/737780-national-positive-ageing-strategy/

Pevny, R. (2014). Conscious living, conscious ageing: Embrace and savor your next chapter. Atria.

Schachter-Shalomi, Z & Miller, R. S. (2014). Age-ing to sage-ing: A revolutionary approach to growing older. Hachette Book Group.

IAHIP 2023 - INSIDE OUT 100 - Summer 2023