Wake up MAGA: I think I’ve got something to say to you: A geo-political view of viral narcissism

by Jimmy Judge

I’ve seen you in the mirror when the story began.

I fell in love and I love your mortal sin.

Your brains are locked away but I love your company.

I only ever leave you when you’ve got no money

I got no emotions for anyone else, you better understand I’m in love with myself, myself, my beautiful self.

I’ve no feeling, no feeling, no feeling for anybody else (Sex Pistols, 1977)

This chilling description of the narcissistic psyche entitled, ‘No feeling’, is taken from the groundbreaking 1977 album, ‘Never mind the bollocks – here’s the Sex Pistols’. It describes the total selfabsorption, exploitative nature, and absence of empathy that’s typical with this personality structure. The Sex Pistols burst onto the 70’s punk scene, shaking up and shocking the shit out of a repressed society: They became the outward manifestation and expression of what was so often secret, hidden, and seldom talked about. Subtlety was not their style.

Let's go from the Sex Pistols, across the pond to the cult of Trumpism and MAGA mentality. Not for any political reasons I might add. No, I want to explore the circus show that we’ve witnessed over the last four or five years because ex-president Trump provides irresistible material that helps identify, study and understand narcissism. His campaign slogan, ‘Make America Great Again’, has become synonymous with Trump, his fans, and their rightwing rhetoric. We can see how gaslighting can occur, not only between individuals, families, clans, and groups, but also at societal and global levels. I sometimes refer to narcissists as ‘grifters of the human mind’ or ‘burglars of reality’ because they are essentially conmen/women, who inveigle their way into our psyches. Trump is a larger-than-life caricature of this personality type. He embodies the classic victim: the whiney, fragile, ‘it’s everyone else’s fault’ mentality, and he is constantly offended and always offensive (that’s ‘Narcissist Central’ right there!). I heard someone say that you can smell narcissists coming, as they always seem to wear overpowering perfume or cologne (literally and metaphorically); this intoxicating miasma seduces you into a cult-style connection, where you feel mesmerised and spell-bound, and when the heady hit wears off, something dark and unsettling lurks beneath.

I think what the president meant to say was…

Fake news! Fake news! This became the calling card for Trump and the right-wing propaganda machine when they didn’t like the sound of a question, or when a journalist had the audacity to call them out for what was becoming an exhaustive litany of offences, crimes and misdemeanours. This was Gaslighting City, such were the sheer heights of blatant denial, cover-ups, distortions and lies. This took gaslighting to a whole new level, as we watched with our own eyes and heard with our own ears, Trump going off on yet another offensive tirade. Let the gaslighting commence! Then out trotted the press secretary (chief flying monkey), who proceeded to patronise the world with utter contempt, snapping at us, and telling us that this didn’t happen at all. It was ‘fake news!’ She continued to pontificate in that clipped tone about how brilliant this president was, and how he was always being attacked and misunderstood: how there was a left-wing agenda to discredit him and how it was totally unacceptable. Grabbing her huge ring binder, she then stormed out of the press room in a narcissistic rage. She had just attempted a spectacular, narcissistic shame-shift. This is a gaslighting trait that aims to make you doubt yourself and feel ashamed and guilty that you questioned this great man. Now we are responsible for upsetting both Trump and his chief lackey, by noticing reality and daring to mention it! This process is reinforced ad nauseum by right wing media outlets and Trump fans.

Let’s talk about you for a change. What do you think of me?

There is a new version of the classical dark triad (Narcissism, Antisocial Personality Disorder, and Machiavellianism) that’s worth mentioning here. To me, there seems to be an inextricable link between narcissism and right-wing ideology. It’s like a marriage made in Cluster B heaven (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). So, the dark triad is:

1.        Narcissism

2.        White supremacy

3.        Fascism

White supremacists and fascists are automatically narcissistic by nature but you can be a narcissist without necessarily donning the pointy hat and ghostly white sheet. The lust for power, entitlement, and superiority form an inglorious, symbiotic union. These people have a voracious appetite for humiliating, mocking, subjugating, abusing, taunting, hating, and demonstrating utter contempt. It doesn’t matter whether that’s in the Oval Office, psychotherapy college, or workplace, “The song remains the same” (Led Zeppelin, 1976).

 “The man who sold the world”

Let’s take a look at what seems like an increase in the prevalence of narcissistic types, and also how they seem to be more daring, brazen, and able to say the quiet things out loud – as if this makes them respectable because they’re open, and shows that they’ve nothing to hide. I’m not sure if there are any more narcissists now than there used to be, but I believe they’ve been given permission to come out of the woodwork, to be more visible, less covert, and more ‘out there.’ The whole Trump/MAGA mentality has spawned and emboldened a zeitgeist in which ‘nice guys finish last’, and dishonesty, cruelty, contempt, entitlement, and self-seeking behaviours are seen as desirable qualities – signs of strength and success. This is not good, people! This is not good at all. It’s like the dog whistle has been sounded and bad behaviour is rationalised into nobility, embraced and rewarded. It has somehow become almost trendy to be ruthless, divisive and self-serving. Trump and his ilk have given people permission to be their worst selves, while in typical Cluster B fashion, they claim to be superior, righteous, elite and offended. It’s almost a psychotic mind-fuck that is exhausting to the soul. It’s still predominantly covert in psychotherapy circles, as it wouldn’t look good to have open tantrums in the staffroom (“no dark sarcasm in the classroom”- Pink Floyd, 1979) Yet the narcissistic tutor/supervisor/ student/manager/colleague will still opt for the silent seethe, as opposed to the explosive outbursts. They will prefer moody, dark, energetic violence over breaking windows or jaws. But it’s changing slightly and there is more mask-slipping; however, sometimes it’s not a slip, it’s deliberate!

Ann O’Connell, psychotherapist and trauma & addiction specialist, has this to say on the subject:

At a geo-political level, the MAGA culture appeals to a primitive and regressive part of our nature – ‘We are the good objects – the others are bad objects’: This is when societal splitting can become dangerous. At a macro level, malignant narcissism goes beyond the aggrandisement of the self, and fosters a group-think of taking pleasure in aggressive and destructive behaviour on a larger stage. The explosive and pandemic rise of narcissistic traits in society (which differs from pathological narcissism), has its roots firmly planted in well-oiled social machines like Instagram and Facebook: This sociological mutation mirrors the trajectory of the current pandemic, but unlike Covid-19, infection rates will continue to rise until we remove the crooked masks that hide this insidious disorder.

(O’Connell, 2019)

A very social contagion

A very serious virus, for which there is no vaccine

(David Pakman, 2020).

Progressive political commentator David Pakman, when describing the effect of Trump, Trumpism, and the whole ‘MAGA cult’, came out with this witty, yet stunningly accurate description of the impact of the Cluster B mentality. Thankfully, vaccines are on the way for Covid-19; but how do we cope with and recover from the narcissistic virus, as it’s not always possible to go into lockdown, isolate ourselves from them, and hope that we can flatten this microscopic soul germ? We see them every day at work, and we must interact with them; for some, they may be a partner or family member. Perhaps there is a vaccine for this seductive, yet treacherous malady. The vaccine was always there but we lost sight of it, or we have simply been worn down by the gaslighting and deceit. It starts by reclaiming, owning and validating our truth, or ‘The Truth’, and finding allies who also want to acknowledge facts, name things as they are, and live in the real world, where we can coexist without high drama, histrionics and violent rhetoric.

This creeping malaise

When you were here before, couldn’t look you in the eye.
You’re just like an angel – your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather in a beautiful world.
I wish I was special – you’re so fucking special.
But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.

(Radiohead, 1993)

In this exquisitely painful, stunningly vulnerable, and beautiful expression of human alienation, distorted self-image, and natural yearning for love, Thom Yorke, singer/songwriter from the band Radiohead, touches such a deeply personal yet universal sense of shame and unlovability. This is reflected back and magnified by the perceived beauty/perfection of the other. If I searched the world over and beyond, I don’t think I would find such an accurate and uncanny description of the Cluster B personality and their bizarre and malevolent view of the world. The song ‘Creep’ is describing exactly how the narcissist really sees themselves in relation to others. Now here’s the catch - they take absolutely no ownership of this dynamic and sense of self. One could argue that it’s more than possible that the narcissist has no conscious awareness of this process in any real way; they have zero comprehension of interpersonal relationships. Instead, they see themselves as superior, entitled, elite, and supremely unique: No partner has the skill, depth, or intelligence to ‘get them’. Friends aren’t good enough - there’s always something lacking in the other, is the narcissists’ mantra. Colleagues bore them and managers aren’t interesting or stimulating enough; they’ll say things like, “I just don’t feel challenged by him/her”, while they secretly believe (and want you to say) that they’d actually do a better job. It’s infuriating that they’re being passed over, and therapists are not smart enough, deep enough, or knowledgeable enough to really help them because their ‘process’ is so complex and convoluted. They fantasise about whole teams of therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists being baffled and dumbfounded by the narcissist’s level of intelligence and brilliance; the list goes on. When Thom Yorke says, ‘You’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry’, this is how narcissists really feel deep, deep, down when they interact with you. But because they lack secure adult ego strength, they are unable to meet this gorgeous vulnerability and magic within themselves. What do they do instead? Flip the whole thing round, with the typical Cluster B distortion, and project on to you that you are the creep! You are the weirdo! You don’t belong here!! They are extremely skilled and practiced in transferring this warped sense of something beautiful on to you, as something you should be ashamed of, and feel weird and bad about. The temptation here would be to believe that we can reach them, touch their vulnerability, bring out the love and engage in a healing process. I will explore this challenging dynamic in greater detail in the final part of the trilogy. But trust and know that in that deeply wounded part of you that can’t help but identify with the song – know in that burning pain, that makes you want to turn away from life, that you are the angel – you are beautiful. 

Your skin makes others cry, such is its feather-light tenderness. You are the opposite of what any abuser told you that you were.

Cognitive dissonance

But some of us are wise. Some of us is suckers, But we all bleed red – even racist muthafuckers.

And I can’t get with that – no I can’t get with that – no I can’t get with that

 (Fun Lovin’ Criminals, 1996)

Alternative hip hoppin’, jazz/blues, New York band, The FLC’s show us in this song, “I can’t get with that”, the total opposite of cognitive dissonance. They see ugliness, corruption, racism, and abuse, and they state very clearly, “I can’t get with that”. Cognitive dissonance is deeply baked into the narcissistic relationship pie: In order to maintain any relationship with a toxic personality, we have to engage in cognitive dissonance; we have to suppress and deny our deeper, intuitive principles and feelings in order to advance actions and behaviours that are in conflict with our genuine selves. This includes ignoring, minimising, rationalising, and justifying abusive, bullying and bad behaviour from our Cluster B colleague/lover/boss/tutor etc. This is the intertwining of both ego dystonic behaviour and gaslighting. So in order to stay in the abusive relationship, we must tell ourselves lies; in other words, we gaslight ourselves – we tell ourselves not to listen to that deeper voice, pounding heart, shallow breath, sweaty hands, and intestines that have now contorted into the shape of a pretzel. Narcissists, on the other hand, gaslight at will with ease and dexterity, and feel no remorse for their behavior, no disharmony and no dissonance whatsoever. This is the defining difference.

Jokerman

In the gritty yet beautiful album ‘Infidels’ Bob Dylan explores spiritual/Christian themes through the lens of different characters and personas. The Jokerman represents that magical interface between he dark and the light, good versus evil, Christ and Lucifer, or any other powerful competing energies that transcend, come full circle, and meet as one delicious integrated whole. This dynamic fascinates me when I am exploring the human psyche, particularly that of the malignant narcissist and everything they represent. The Jokerman is both a dream twister and a miracle maker, and capable of creating division, chaos, and pain, or incredible healing, peace, love, compassion, and forgiveness. What determines which way it goes? Cluster-B narcissist or light-hearted agreeable empath? They both have origins in developmental trauma disorder adverse childhood experiences. What ushered Trump into the dark pathetic world of wannabe dictator?

There’s a woman on my block

Sitting there in a cold chill

She say “Who gonna take away his license to kill?”

License to kill

(Bob Dylan, 1983)

Mercy Street

It will come when you’re broken

When your heart is finally open, when you’re down,

Down and troubled – when you’re lost among the rubble 

(Glen Hansard, 2015)

Lines from the enormously talented musician, poet, singer/songwriter, and actor, Glen Hansard, from the deeply hopeful and healing “Her Mercy”. In this highly emotive and inspirational song, Glen manages, in that uncanny way that is unique to him, to put his finger on the pulse of human suffering, redemption, forgiveness and transformation. This song captures that elusive axis point between misery, hope and change. That place we know so well when we’ve been worn down by toxic people. We are on the floor and can’t take anymore. It’s becoming clear the narcissist is not going to relent or change, but we can. Glen goes on to say:

Well there’s sugar on the old spoon. Let’s do the two step around your front room And when you’re ready for her mercy, and you’re worthy, it will come...

Mercy, mercy coming to you – feel her beauty flowing through you. She will unbind you, set the world free, Mercy, mercy.

(Glen Hansard, 2015) Fifty ways to leave your Narcissist.

The problem’s all inside your head she said to me The answer’s easy if you take it logically.

I’d like to help you with your struggle to be free.

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.

Fifty ways to leave your lover

(Paul Simon, 1975)

Now we have identified and accepted that we are working in close contact with a Cluster B type, or we’ve dared to acknowledge that our boss, manager, or tutor emanates these narcissistic rays of delight! Either way, we know that we’re not going mad, and everything we felt in our gut, but we ignored because it seemed too outrageous and shocking, was indeed true. So, what next? How do we extricate ourselves from this toxic alliance? Paul Simon goes on to tell us in this seminal masterpiece:

You just slip out the back Jack – make a new plan Stan You don’t need to be coy Roy – just listen to me. Ya hop on the bus Gus – don’t need to discuss much Ya drop off the key Lee, and get yourself free.

 It would be wonderful to just ‘slip out the back...’ to free ourselves from these dangerous grifters! But “I need this job” – “I really like this job/course” – “Why should I leave because of some disgruntled narcissist who casts a dark cloud over each working day or college encounter?”; or maybe you share living quarters with them and you’re tied to the relationship financially, or there are kids involved. Let’s not take Mr. Simon literally in his suggestions; maybe we need to learn to ‘box clever’ and take the symbolic meanings of the smart and quirky tune because if you really think about it, and open your mind to new possibilities, you will find there must be fifty ways to leave your narcissist! Only, we may not have to leave them physically; we can create and develop strategies to help us leave the abusive, mind-warping web of dynamics they so love to entangle us in. Yes, I know that change can be scary, and a common reaction to this could be, “Yeah, okay, but if I change and stand up to them, they might get worse. They might be further enraged and there may be terrible consequences, if not now, then later down the line. I may lose my job or my place on the course, or they might do something awful to me”. I hear you – let’s cool the jets, slow right down and take one step at a time. It’s taken enormous courage to have dared to see it for what it is, and to even contemplate change. As the wonderful Brené Brown (2010) says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change” Cluster B’s have both utter contempt for, and absolute terror of vulnerability. We tap into it as our most ferociously protective 

ally and friend. Yes, I know we feel battered, bruised, violated and hurt – so very hurt. Our great friend and teacher, the truly brilliant Irvin Yalom (2014) reminds us, only the wounded healer can truly heal; a beautiful and humble experience our narcissist friends will never know.

This sets us up nicely for the final instalment of this trilogy, when I will focus on strategies to deal with narcissists. I promise you: murder will not be included, but it was considered! Exciting, isn’t it? Someone once said that excitement is just around the corner from fear, and as we know, the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

You just slip out the back Jack – make a new plan Stan Don’t need to be coy Roy – just listen to me.

Ya hop on the bus Gus – don’t need to discuss much.

Just drop off the key Lee – and get yourself free.

Jimmy Judge is a psychotherapist, group therapist, group facilitator, trainer, writer and supervisor, with a private practice in Dublin. He has a special interest in working with social exclusion, stigma, and people living on the margins of society. He specialises in trauma, addiction, somatic work, and exploring recovery through the creative arts.

jimmyjudge61@gmail.com

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).

Brown, B. (2010). The Power of Vulnerability [Animation/short]. TED Talk.

Bowie, D. (1970). The man who sold the world [Song]. On The man who sold the world. Mercury Records.

Dylan, B. (1983). License to kill [Song]. On Infidels. Special Rider Music.

Fun Lovin’ Criminals. (1996). I can’t get with that [Song]. On Come Find Yourself. Silver Spotlight Records.

Gabriel, P. (1986). Mercy Street [Song]. On So. Geffen Records.

Hansard, G. (2015). Her Mercy [Song]. On Didn’t he Ramble. Anti-Epitaph Records

Led Zeppelin. (1973). The Song Remains the Same [Song]. On The Song Remains the Same. Swan Song Records.

O’Connell, A. (2019). The Crooked Mask. Unpublished essay.

Pakman, D. (2020). The David Pakman Show [Podcast]. YouTube/Twitch Talk Radio.

Pink Floyd. (1977). Dogs [Song]. On Animals. Harvest Records.

Pink Floyd. (1979). Another Brick in the Wall [Song]. On The Wall. Harvest Records.

Radiohead. (1993). Creep [Song]. On Pablo Honey. Parlophone Records.

Sex Pistols. (1977). No Feelings [Song]. On Never Mind the Bollox, Here’s the Sex Pistols. Virgin Records.

Simon, P. (1975). 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover [Song]. On Still Crazy After All These Years. Columbia Records.

Yalom, I. (2014). Lying on the Couch. Basic Books

IAHIP 2021 - INSIDE OUT 95 - Autumn 2021