Obituary Mary Kangataran

Obituary
Mary Kangataran
(September 1951 – December 2018)

by Attracta Fahy

Mary Kangataran, from Shannon and Kinsale, was a biodynamic and integrative psychotherapist, and an accredited member of IAHIP for 20 years. Mary was also a member of the Dzogchen Beara Community, a La Leche League supporter, a Montessori teacher, a basketball coach, and a part-time pilot.

Her work was dedicated and centrally focused within the body-mind relationship, as well as the experience and wisdom of motherhood, related to her philosophy and life journey. This was reflected in her strength and determination to choose her method of dying. She died peacefully in Marymount Hospice, Cork on December 11, 2018, lovingly supported by her six children and family. Mary was a great friend, colleague, and mentor to me for 25 years since we first met as student psychotherapists.

Ar dheis Dé go raibh a hanam.

One of our last conversations was about the journey of dying and this inspired the following poem.

Mary

Last night I dreamt we were laughing again
in my kitchen, our bellows filled
the air. 3am. The dark hour, I insisted
it was time you got on the road.

I said something that I cannot remember.
I recall only the silence.

Today, my hands on the wheel, eyes on the road,
we talk on the phone, Bluetooth anchors as
I drive two hours to where you once lived,
removal trucks due to arrive,

‘For the foreseeable future,’ you’d said,
we both knew, it would be, when
white clouds open, unfold your wings,
embrace, take you into its arms.

It’s your birthday:
‘Although not significant numerically, it is
in that it will be my last.’

Your voice faint, spoke of how difficult
it is to let go, leave children. Radio waves
conduit our grief.

I drove on as if into the sky.
Its deep aquamarine bursts
of light mirrored your face; soon you will sail.
Two hours, still, we struggled to end, promised
to talk more when I visited, you further south,
I could drive, but today is a day with your children,
and I will gather you into my heart,
as your home is put in storage,

‘I love you,’ I said,
‘I never had any doubt,’ you replied.

I have forgotten my last words,
as if another had spoken them.

Attracta Fahy, MA, RGN, lives in Co. Galway. She is a biodynamic and integrative psychotherapist, and a clinical supervisor accredited with IAHIP.