My Loyalty to You

by Alan Jordan

I wore my loyalty to you as a chain around my neck,
Holding me back as I tried to grasp
A picture of my love upon a hill,
Forever perched on that paper hill
Beyond the embrace of my will

I strained and strained and I got nowhere
The steel around my neck, it held me there
And there you were, you were holding it so tight
Wrapping it around the lamp post so bright
For one moment I turned around,
Unhooked the chain and I saw open ground
But do I walk to my love on the hill?
And break your heart as I surely will?
Or put back on the chain you so lovingly made?

You crafted it with ultimate care
To spare my heart from life’s despair
You fought so well in our tug of war
The more I struggled the more that I saw
Your frozen love around my neck,
And straining forward into my last breath
I saw that I could never defeat you
‘Cause if I did I would surely die too,
After all I was loyal, loyal to you.

My paper love on the paper hill
Perfect beauty I cannot kill
If I leave you perched up there
Away from my stare
Do not come down, do not dare
To show me your blemished skin
And your need to hold me, to be held,
To absolve me of my sins

I clenched my fists around my thorny sweet sins
And the sharp points they gently pierced my skin
My blood trickled down
I turned to look for your frown
A broken mirror met my gaze
And my struggle was then laid bare.

And in the mirror behind the man with bloodied palms
The man with scarred neck and strained arms
I saw my love come down from her hill
With great poise, and time stood still
And this chain slackened as we embraced
Giving in to dreaded need, to lover’s grace
This steel chain, it is softened and warmed
Through surrender to your loving arms
My neck is bruised from the fight
Loyalty and lust: strange bedfellows in the night.

These are the song lyrics, a demo recording can be listened to at: https:// soundcloud.com/alanjordanmusic/myloyaltytoyou

Alan Jordan, MA Integrative Psychotherapy, is a psychotherapist in private practice and a musician in Limerick City. He can be contacted at alan@ajpsychotherapy.ie. Website: ajpsychotherapy.ie.